The events at the capitol were, for lack of better word, chaotic, frightening, and confusing. I’m not here to discuss the politics of it. I’m not here to give yet another commentary on how wrong the destruction and violence was. I’m not here to discuss any of that. I’m here to discuss how confusing it was for kids.

I want to point out that I’m not a licensed professional and this is all observations and advice from a mama point of view.

Regardless of age, the events that occurred at the capitol brought about a multitude of emotions and, as a parent, it’s difficult to know exactly what you want to say about it. I am a big advocate of “I don’t want to teach you what to think, but how to think.” It was important to me to discuss things in a manner that allowed my kids to think about their feelings on these occurrences. Instead of saying, “This was total garbage” and using words that I would be saying out of anger and frustration at the people that destroyed the capitol building, I chose to discuss it in a very matter-of-fact way.

Basically, I said, “Here are the exact events that occurred, facts only.” My next words, though, were, “How do you feel about this?” I didn’t try to push them to see it my way; instead, I allowed them to process it at their age level. Realistically, they were able to do just that. They were able to come to the same conclusions about how wrong the violence was, how the response on the part of the administration fed what happened, and how angry people are now because of these events. Essentially, I didn’t need to tell them what to think; I needed to talk to them about it and guide them in thinking it through themselves.

Why? Why wouldn’t I choose to just condemn the situation? Well, I did. But I did it once they had expressed their feelings and opinions and come to healthy conclusions. I did it in a healthy way that created a space for them to have their own opinions. I spoke out to my children against violence and looting, not against simply protesting and we discussed the difference between the two. We discussed our rights as Americans to peacefully protest for what we believe in. We discussed our rights as Americans to speak freely….but we also discussed that those freedoms mean we have the responsibility to exercise these in healthy ways.

With these freedoms come great responsibility.

We talked about ways that the protestors might have handled it instead. We talked about protesting based on real core beliefs, and not on anger at not getting our way. We talked about what makes our country wonderful and what the results of this have been. We discussed responsibility on social media and on the internet. The point is that this opened many great discussions, but it opened them in a conversation, not a lecture.

I’m not saying I have all of the answers and I’m not saying that my way is the only way but can I make a recommendation: Give your children the core facts and walk them through understanding this on their level. Leave these topics open for debate and respect their beliefs while also helping them to understand what the experience life side of this sees (i.e. kids don’t always see what adults see because of lack of life experience). Open the dialogue for them to express their feelings whether it’s fear, confusion, frustration, or any other emotion.

I close by saying the following: There is a vast difference between peacefully protesting for a belief and throwing a temper tantrum and looting/destroying property. None of what happened is funny and breaking into the capitol and destroying property, violently attacking people, etc is never okay. My conversations with my kids closed as I am closing this one now: Quoting the Constitution means that you should understand the responsibility that comes with these rights. There are productive ways to express yourself and I will defend your right to do so, but I will also absolutely read you the riot act for being disrespectful, violent, or inappropriate. With that said, our nation is about to embark on a new journey under a new President. We need to come together and the only way to do that is for each one of us to look inside of ourselves and find a way to be the best person that we can be. We need to exercise our right to be kind, help others, and truly make our country and our world a better place.