It takes a special kind of man to be a true dad. Just as women sometimes get a bad rep for things that only a few ladies do, men can sometimes get stereotyped. There is little in my world that upsets me more than underappreciated dads. I loathe the word “sperm donor” no matter how crappy a father they are because it teaches kids to look at men in that way. (Unpopular opinion: If you get pregnant and choose not to tell the male that got you that way and then refer to him as the sperm donor, you are half the problem. You didn’t give him a chance to be anything more.) Just like I hate the term gold-digger for women (because it’s only true of a small percentage of women), I hate the term “sperm donor” for men. But I digress.

I also am not a fan of when people say “Happy Father’s Day to the Single Moms out there who play both roles.” I’ve been a single mom and I have taken care of all of their needs, but please please don’t give me credit for filling a role I can’t fill. There are certain things dads can do that I can’t. Before you freak out, I certainly don’t mean change your oil or mow the lawn…I can do those things. I mean pee standing up. I mean being a physical example of how to treat a lady. I mean actually having experienced the physical changes boys go through during puberty and being able to understand it. That’s what I mean. I can try to fill those voids but the reality is that I can only do it from my own body, soul, mind, and experiences. I can empathize, sure….but I can’t truly sympathize with them.

There are certain things that dads are just able to do that moms can’t. It’s physical, biological fact. (Please don’t take away from this that single moms or same sex couples are lesser…they’re not. There are just certain things that a mom can’t physically show her son how to do by example. I go back to peeing standing up. That doesn’t mean the kids aren’t well balanced, wonderful happy adults with great lives.) If you have a great man in your life who stands up and celebrates being a dad, give him his day. Take him to dinner or have the kids make him a card. Celebrate who he is.

What do you do, though, if your child’s dad isn’t around?

My opinion might be unpopular. I don’t think you should celebrate mom for filling both roles. I think you should celebrate your children. Don’t make it a thing about how they don’t have a father figure around….celebrate THEM. Take the day and talk about all the extraordinary things that make them special and their great accomplishments. Talk about how they change your life just by being their special little selves. Moms, you’ve had your day (like it or not)…if there isn’t a dad in their life, celebrate the great things that will make them a better parent in their future. Celebrate their growth and achievements. Believe me, they will far better remember and cherish a memory of a day all about them in place of Father’s Day than they will a second Mother’s Day for you.

Food for thought.