I’m a big believer in second chances. I’m also a big believer that it’s important to stress things with your kids that teach them about life. Important things to stress: Accountability, honesty, and responsibility. Here’s the thing…..

When a child “messes up” in a way that affects one of these major things, you need to address the major issue, not the minor one. But what does that mean? It means that if your child breaks a rule, lies about it, and blames someone else, the rule is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is the fact that he is not taking accountability for his actions and he’s not being honest.

Why is this so important?

Because life doesn’t grant you forgiveness in these areas as an adult as much as it does when you’re a kid. Let’s just imagine you break a law (the equivalent of breaking a rule as an adult) by breaking and entering. You lie to the police and tell them it’s your friend’s fault (who isn’t even present) and you needed to break into the convenience store because you were hungry for Doritos. Are the police going to say, “Well geez, John Doe, I understand you were hungry for Doritos. Let’s just forget the whole thing.” No….no they will not. Not only will you get in trouble for your crime, but you will also get in trouble for lying to law enforcement. Lie to a judge and you get jail time. Lie to your boss and your liable to get fired. Refuse to take accountability with your significant other, you’re likely to end up with marital strife. You see, it’s not so much about the crime….it’s about accountability, honesty, and responsibility.

Refusing to address these issues is how entitled children become entitled adults that commit crimes and expect special treatment. Then these parents show up on the news, seemingly oblivious that little Johnny Doe would EVER think these things were okay and wondering where they went wrong. Listen Mr and Mrs Doe, they got that way because no one taught them that they are responsible for their actions and that their actions have real consequences.

So what’s the reality here?

The reality is that it’s better to make a big impression when these three rules of life are broken. Make a big impression right off the bat so they understand how important it is. In fact, you might need to do this several times until they can start to grasp the concept of how inappropriate it is. Make the impression that it’s better to be up front with you because there will be less trouble (and then keep your word….understanding that repetitively using this is equivalent of being irresponsible). Make the impression that they will lose everything if they break these because, let’s face it, that’s what will happen to them as adults. Make such a big impression that they think twice before acting like that again.

But what does that punishment look like?

I can’t answer that for you and the reality is that it might look different with each kid. For one child, it might simply be resolved with a lecture. With another, it might be resolved with manual labor. With another, it might be taking things away. For another, it might be grounding them from friends or activities. Only YOU know what the way to make an impression is for your child. (Note: I don’t advocate violence so understand that I am not going to agree with you if you tell me that the answer is to take them out back and whoop them). The point is that it is YOUR responsibility to teach them responsibility. It is YOUR responsibility to teach them accountability. It is YOUR responsibility to teach them that honesty is the best policy. It is not the school’s responsibility to teach it, but they can reinforce it. It’s not grandma’s responsibility to teach it but she can reinforce it.

You get the idea.

Make the impression now before they get older and get hit in the face with life having had no preparation. Own your parenting life and let’s raise a generation of kids that understand about the important things in life.